I look back on old videos, pictures, and recordings of myself and really begin to envy my old self. I realize there was a time when I was completely who I wanted to be, and I look back on that girl and I love her, and I want to hug her, and I don’t know if that’s strange, but I think it’s really because I feel like I don’t know her anymore. I was once so vibrant, and so pure, and so myself, and now I never come out with the things I want to say or do because of the times I have been shut down, or ridiculed. But I wish so badly, I could go back to who I was, and not be stuck in a world where the only things that matter is how funny my snap chats are, or how good I look in my Instagram pictures. Do you ever wonder about how different you would be if you didn’t let other peoples judgments change who you are whether it be your thoughts, your hair, your style, or your personality? Maybe I would be a little more like the little girl I was, if I wasn’t so worried about being someone else, but now that it has been such a long time, I feel like there is no going back. But there is looking back… to a time I could entertain myself, a time I could accept myself, and a time I could be who I was, and now I just feel like that side of me has been cut and shaped down to this ideal image of what everyone else is, and willing to accept. I was such a beautiful, fun-loving, full of laughter person. I would come out with the funniest things to do and say. I spent time with people who mattered because that’s what I wanted to do, that’s what I liked to do, and that’s what I chose to do. But now my interests have changed. So what am I now? I cant help but feel like the cute little me is no longer apart of me, and it’s not a good feeling to feel like I lost her, and I lost myself along the years.
How do I gain a piece of me back?